That little chlorine bath (for feet)

I realised today that it is almost 12 years since I last went swimming. I only stopped going swimming because my friend Martin Owen borrowed my goggles and lost them in Sheffield University sports centre pool. I decided not to go swimming again until he bought me a new pair. That was 1995, and you could fill a municipal lido with the tears I've shed since.

Of course, this stopped being a point of principle in about 1998, and indeed my college-era beer-storage frontispiece probably had a lot more to do with my lack of enthusiasm for the aquatic way (though it may have aided buoyancy!) In fairness, Mr Owen has had little opportunity to make amends from his no-doubt highly-paid position in the chemical engineering game, as we have not spoken since 2000.

So perhaps I should break this hoodoo, this Indian sign, and go back into the water. I don't know what will happen. What are people wearing to the pool? Should I go for a full body wax then rock a Speedo? That sounds awful!

The one thing that comforts me is that should I ever collect on my goggle debt, ocular interest will probably entitle me to a snorkel, mask and rubber duck.

Simple pleasures

I always liked "Great Big No" by the Lemonheads, off "Come On Feel the Lemonheads". But today for the first time, I enhanced the pleasure of singing along by singing "GREAT BIG NOSE".

Great big nose!

Still trying

It's now 3 years, two months since I released my black and white Scareodeleria book - the book that was meant to be number one in a quarterly series! Excuse me while I execute a hollow laugh.

I live in hope that I'll manage another standalone project, because although I am pleased with my efforts on daily Scary Go Round, I find the book collections very dense reading. It's nice just to be able to tell a yarn without worrying about getting the quips and snipes in just the right place and ending whatever you were trying to say in the bottom right hand corner of your piece of A4 paper.

This morning I spent £50 and gave myself a headache trying to make one page of a prospective follow up. I don't know about you, but £50 and a headache won't do. At that rate, by page 22 I'd have spent £1100 and be suffering from some kind of aneurysm (probably several).

I should explain that in producing this project, I am attempting to become "the new king of manga". You and I both know that I am not going to become the new king of manga any time soon. Even with the aid of the ministrations of my spiritual guide Mr Godiba (see here), I'm not going to be the new Junko Mizuno.

BUT I WILL DIE IF NECESSARY IN THE ATTEMPT! DO NOT TRY TO STOP ME BECAUSE YOU WILL FAIL! ALL WILL FAIL!



That was less intense than I hoped it would be.

Fancy womerns

I was delighted and excited to learn about today the existence of "Unknown Hinson", depicted below. I have never heard his music, and I think to hear it would only disappoint. Just to know that this man is out there is enough for me.

Tiny little face that may be alive

Mike, who made the little pixel Shelley, also made the Esther below. A fancy thing!

He's a blade, he's a renegade

What happened to my blog? i seem to have abandoned it over the last couple of weeks. I don't suppose anyone really wants to read about how I am eating some Easter eggs very slowly, or how I planted a rhododendron today. These things aren't the fiery facts that force recumbent internetters off their asses and out of the front door full of jellybeans.

I don't think I have any projects to tell you about. I haven't forced another rusting appliance into my back yard.

I did want to say a brief word about t-shirt artist/painter Todd Goldman and his Dave Kelly art-stealing saga. It was a blatant and ugly steal, but the red-faced, hysterical table thumping from the webcomics community, a community that frequently feeds upon licensed properties (when not feeding upon itself), was a bared backside begging to be struck with a banjo.

No one is innocent. Todd Goldman was undoubtedly handed that picture by a studio assistant. When a web cartoonist who has made a tshirt with a Star Wars related design gets a cease and desist letter, it's a badge of honour. When the shoe's suddenly on the other foot, there's a collective move up onto the table with skirts raised - and let the screaming commence.

Go crosseyed talking about "fair use" if you wish, but you'll waste a lot of breath. It's the same thing.

Somersault Notes!

I did a bit more on my poster last night, I worked too long into the evening on it and feel a bit mentally feeble today but oh well.

Eurocamping

I'm working on a new and large poster to ruin your walls. It's early days but here's what I managed this morning - much still to do!

Slug update 2007

Having repelled the slugs from my kitchen, it seemed time in 2007 to turn my attention the devastation they habitually cause in my garden. Who can forget the grisly sunflower massacre of 2001? Not me! So under these auspices I bought some slug pellets to prevent my friends, the slugs, eating anything with tasty leaves and pretty flowers.

Now, these slug pellets claim to be safe for the environment (so long as you don't include the aggravation their intense blue-ness causes to the eye). The packaging claims that "there is no need to clear up slug carcasses, as they will crawl away to a secluded spot to die". This is one of the most impressive boasts I have ever heard. It is also a lie.

My paving stones are now peppered with what I can only describe as baked-on moustaches made of beef jerky. Perhaps I do not provide the necessary "secluded spot". If you have any suggestions on the construction of the mooted "slug chill-out slash death zone", do let me know.

On this day in history

While I deal with the dirty business of book 5, blog posts will be minimal. So today why not enjoy "On This Day In Scary Go Round History", a painful trip through the years that made me feel weird and kind of ill. Click here and SEE!

Godiba's powers bring good juju

Book 5 back cover! I hope to get this off to the printer within the next week.



ALSO: I've finally added the canvas Curious Orange prints to the SGR shop!

A ringing endorsement

Longtime readers of this blog know that I am not over-enamoured of Oldham Metropolitan Borough. It's not really the place for a person like me, but for some reason I seem to have lived here for 8 years. Anyway, I think things are gathering a kind of critical mass - see the leaflet (below) that came through my door this morning.



Shamen are now congregating on my doorstep. I anticipate this new local trend for spells can only be the tip of a terrifying iceberg.

A giant hat covered with gems has been ordered

The Webcomix Thing in London was a total super great success. Obviously it was not a 100% success, as most conversations I had with people after 3pm in the afternoon were very abstract. I think I offended a whole table full of Brighton's most gifted cartoonists just by trying to tell them, unprompted, about the few facts I could scrape together from my by-now-ravaged brain. By God I dug myself in deep there. Note to self: avoid the south for some months.

I think I also upset a poor lad who thrust a tape recorder under my nose and wanted "to ask [me] a few questions". When I asked him to come back at a slightly quieter time, he wheeled away as if shot. Sorry, tape recorder man, no offence intended.

Having now made amends to people who have scratched my name deep into their hating books and enemy lists, I'd like to thank everyone who came to see me. It was the busiest I have ever been at any show, at home or abroad. I wish I could have talked to people for longer, and spent a bit longer with folks who'd come a long way. My neighbours on one side were Nude Magazine, a design-led publication that seems just right for most eyes, and on the other side Dave Roman and Raina Telgemeier, who I think may be some of the most talented and best people in the world!

In the evening it was a pleasure and an honour to make sport with Weebl, Madsen, Dr McNinja, Ali, and the hidden man of UK comics, Kelly Hernandez. Good men, and thorough.


Note: I do have quite a few of the limited prints I did left, and I'll put them up for sale later in the week once I've caught up with making comics. They'll go on sale at 12pm GMT, giving almost everyone a fair crack of the whip I hope.

Who's got the looks, who's got the brains, who's got everything?

I have revised the cover for SGR book 5 (now tantalisingly close to going to the printers), as having lived with the previous one for a few months I realised it was a nice idea but not up to much. Here's the new one! The back cover will have some kind of fancy decoration too but I don't know what yet.



It's still subject to tweaks as my mind doesn't work very well in the late evening, but it certainly seems books-ish.

Despite wounds, I continue

I think I'm getting old, or just incredibly fragile. I can't lift my right arm above the, let's be honest here, Hitler salute position, without suffering a pain (like touching a freshly grazed knee) in my tendon. I hate the Fuhrer and his ways so there is no need to punish me for accidentally saluting him.

But despite all that, I have made some little prints for the UK Web Comix Thing. They're in runs of ten and any left over will be available on my return from the capital. The first one is my riposte to "Smoke Gets In Your Eyes" entitled "Bats Get In Your Hair". The second is of course entitled "The Day The World Changed".



My only concern is that they might be displaying 'tood - which I will of course be forced to eliminate prior to turning on the printer.

Dog problems

I was going to do drawn intros to all the chapters in my new book but what I came up with didn't really work the way I wanted it to. I did think this rough was quite funny though.

Updates update

For those of you who are curious, I am approximately one page away from completing Scary Go Round book 5. Having drawn a suitably simpleton intro, I need to make a simpleton outro to finish the job. Then it is just a question of whether I draw a back cover or just make it the same soothing and mottled yellow as the front. I have a feeling that the solution will involve a combination of both.

Last night I rocked anew and saw Brakes, Absentee and Bobby Cook on one splendid bill! I have made their names into cyber-node hyper-links for the curious of ear.

The Absentee singer man was running the merchandise stall and having stood on the other side of the table, so to speak, on many occasions, I warmed to this kindly and talented fellow. Let's hope Absentee have a million pounds very soon.

Finally, I will be packing up prints on Sunday to send out on Monday. The canvas prints are in and look really nice, so I will probably put them up for sale next week. There are only ten, so I'll announce beforehand when they'll be available. If this proves popular, I'll probably do some super short-run canvas-only prints in future.

Things are going to change

I'm back from the lakes and undrowned. I did experience some adverse cambers, mushy clay and treacherous scree but that is the nature of the wilds and we must all do our part. Also there were some witches and ghosts.

New news: I am growing an extra inch on my sideburns in preparation for the UK Webcomix Thing in two-and-a-bit weeks. It's a race against time, because if the sidewall annexe looks too ratty, I will remove it before facing my public. But I feel I need extra strength for this marathon of front-facing, gladhanding and power-sales mesmerism. I will keep you posted on "Project Samson".

Placid

I am going to the Lake District this weekend, so if I am destroyed by a lake, you know what to do. Ululation, tearing of vestments, brass statue of me outside the Cobden View Arms in Crookes, Sheffield. Statue should be wearing a crown.

You may think that being destroyed by a lake is improbable and weird, but you would be Dr Wrong, ministering to the needs of the inhabitants of Mistakentown. Lakes contain fierce otters, bony cichlids and kraken. At any point I could be seized by a tentacle and drawn under, thereby ending a life dedicated to amusing people in 30 second bursts every weekday.

I'll be on my guard, but I'm warning you - be ready.

Enormodome comes crashing down

Well, I failed to win any Web-cartoonists' Choice Awards this time around. It's probably for the best. I usually respond to winning a prize by suffering a seismic crisis of confidence and, as a result, plunging over the creative cliff "on fire".

In all honesty, I think I've done very well to be nominated so many years in a row for "Outstanding Comic". I'm never going to beat Nicholas Gurewitch of Perry Bible Fellowship at that, he is a genius at what he does. Though if quality was not an issue and quantity was placed front and centre, I would be officially five times better than him. Yes, take THAT and put it on the shelf with all your prizes, sir! When you're shining up your trophies and crowns, remember that for every one time you put a piece of paper in the scanner, I put FIVE in there. And I have to scan each of them twice because my scanner refuses to scan the bottom centimetre of my A4 paper. So that's TEN scans for every one of yours. Who's laughing now?

Here are all the sounds I witnessed in the last week with short, pithy reviews, so I can look back in future times and see exactly how and when I went deaf.

Tuesday Feb 13th: THE HOLD STEADY + The Checks + Former Bullies

How exciting to see the Hold Steady, the main band in America for hollering about all sorts of things over a right bar-room racket, on UK soil. They were brilliant. The Checks were choogling boogie of the kind that might have impressed a Faces fan in 1973, and Former Bullies have been haunting the Manchester scene for years and will never triumph unless they learn to face front and address the audience clearly, confidently and directly.

Saturday Feb 16th: KLAXONS + CSS + Sunshine Underground + New Young Pony Club

This was the NME New Rave tour, and as someone old enough to remember old rave, I have to say that if you are going to start a new movement, don't make it exactly the same as the dance punk movement of TWO YEARS AGO (except with glowsticks). In any case, CSS are brilliant (full marks for coming on stage in makeshift burkas), Klaxons are rubbish, Sunshine and My Little Pony Club are promising. I counteracted any ennui created by the deadbeat headliners with improvisational rave dancing and some handsome badges I made (including "NEW DAVE") which prospective new ravists can buy from me in London next month.

Sunday Feb 17th: LONG BLONDES + Lodger + Navvy

75% of people at this gig were 5ft tall girls in footless leggings and shirt dresses. I thought I was going to get the vapours. The diminutive and petite stature of many of the audience made for comfortable viewing of another fine rock outing. Navvy tried hard and had a lead (LEED not LED) cowbell, Lodger had sweater vests and some decent tunes, and the Long Blondes are a proper pop band with a proper pop star front-lady for people who like Blondie and Pulp equally well. Well done, Long Blondes, well done, you win this week's gig crown.

This week I have been rocked

Obviously the person of the year is "you" and that is because of Youtube which is because Youtube is where you can watch old pop videos that would otherwise never have been seen again by human eyes. Here are two of my favourite songs with the videos and everything just for people who like my sound decisions, good tunes for the young who grew up in recent years but like, let's say, the idea of the past.

"Beautiful John" by Madder Rose which obviously I like because it is a flagrant overstatement of my virtues and;

"This Is What She's Like" by Dexy's Midnight Runners, which not only showcases a sharp new Ivy league look for the 80s ragamuffins, but is 12 minutes long on the album! Isn't there a new Dexy's live album showcasing the "lost line up"? This is a rhetorical question to which the answer is of course yes.

I hadn't seen this video before today but it is more than I could have hoped for. At one point the issue of "what she's like" is discussed in an office scenario. At one point Kevin Rowland does a kind of street corner bogle. There is also some extremely low-key adherence to the principles of lip-syncing which I find delicious.

Sometimes I have dreams about the ITV Chart Show. They might just be the best dreams I have.

I wrote this post in lieu of reviewing all the bands I went to see this week because no one needs to hear what a great time I had or how new rave is such nonsense or how CSS came on in burkas or how the Hold Steady are attracting an audience mostly from the mid 40s man with son in tow. Just take all these things as read and go about your business.

Hopefully not too weird for sale

Thank you for bearing with me! I hope to take this item to the printer next week. I have also spoken to the necessary characters about a short run (probably of ten) on canvas.

Too weird for sale

There are several reasons why this design is too weird to be sold, though for the sake of my fragile ego I ask that you do not name them. I do think it would have a dual purpose though, as it could be worn as a Fish Man mask that would unfortunately render the wearer blind.

They knew what they were doing

Last night I went to see The Decemberists and Lavender Diamond live "in concert", with the sad memories of Friday night's gig still haunting my thoughts. And there was further disaster afoot because I believe no man there who saw Lavender Diamond is not now in love with and keen to wed singer Becky Stark. Homes have been wrecked all over town and it is her fault. Their sounds were extremely good too, it was a magnificent deal.

Then the Decemberists! They had all the right ideas about pleasing the audience, to the extent of playing some drones, which I noted down in my gilt-edged notebook of drones. This was live music done right for all to see and so I say well done, well done.

Crayons

Work proceeds apace on print 3! I have put some flat colours on there, now I will seek guidance from my artier friends in the art community on getting this thing looking tip top. Or rather, I will carp on to Kelly Patches and Andy Bell until they tell me what to do (like always).

You don't know what you're doing

GIG REVIEW: Clap Your Hands Say Yeah + Cold War Kids & Elvis Perkins @ Manchester Academy 2/2/07

On Friday I went to see Clap Your Hands Say Yeah and they were absolutely terrible. The songs they played from their new album sounded for the most part like a foghorn being blasted into a black hole. When I saw them last year in a smaller venue, they played one new song that was so inferior to the rest of their set that I was a bit nervous for what we old-timers term "the future". That it seemed like a rough gem compared to the rest of their freshly unveiled material at the Academy confirmed my fears. CYHSY have "gone lousy" faster than any act in living memory.

I could continue to moan, wail and spit but I won't. Why stop to drive nails into roadkill? People around me seemed to be enjoying themselves, but it was the kind of enjoying yourself that involves shouting into your mate's ear at a proximity that implies that you are the most intimate of lovers.

To address the positives: Cold War Kids on the other hand were a lot better than their rather one-note radio hit would suggest. At one point trombonists and trumpeters emerged to raise our spirits. Many of their jams were pleasing even to the untutored ear.

In addition, I enjoyed the sight of a be-cardiganed gentleman who spent much of the early part of the gig apparently rooting around in his back passage, then later on unveiled a series of chesty and inappropriate dance moves. This sweaty and faintly threatening rustic was keeping alive the Great British tradition of the village idiot, one spasmodic twitch at a time. He, at the very least, appeared to be trying.

Punching thru

"Thru"!

After yesterday's day of futile scrapings, finally I am underway with my print as the grainy photo below reveals. I will try to work a COELACANTH into the picture but I'm not sure where I can put it to give it maximum impact.

Adhesion

After a day of frantic artistic activity, all I managed to produce was a Scary Go Round sticker (the first!) I don't think I'll actually put them up for sale, that would of course be NUTS. I guess you'll get a couple when you order something else.



Manly, ain't it? Stick that on your Trans Am!

Print making

I'm working on a new print! I meant to do one every three months but the last one was... July? That's pretty hopeless. Still, I want to at least have one new thing for the UK Webcomix Thing in March so I'd better crack on.

As opinion leant that way, I decided to hand draw my new print rather than doing in in Illustrator like the last two. But it's proving tricky so far to make something I like when I can't tweak it to oblivion there after.

The only idea I finished, I ended up liking nothing about other than its title "The Greatest Lover In Micronesia". So wooden and stiff! But there's grist enough for several mills below.



The thing below seems a bit too cutesy pie. It's a good Yeti though, good and furious.



Lots of ideas! I thought Shelley could fight a giant robot, that might be kind of a good deal. But perhaps it is just plain ludicrous. My other ideas all involved either fish or stupidity.



It's hard to make something that people will look at for more than ten seconds. But I will keep trying because I know bloodymindedness is the quality in me that people most admire (or least loathe).

Lies 2

My blog is worth $277,189.14.
How much is your blog worth?

This is what the main Scary Go Round site is worth. I consider it undervalued!

The internet is made of lies

My blog is worth $14,113.50.
How much is your blog worth?

If the above is the case, can I sell it now? I'm sure that money isn't boiling any eggs tied up in sporadic picture posts and nonsense about "freedom eagles".

School for scallywags

I have designed a new shirt, a new shirt for a new era. I cannot say if people will like it, but I like it. It depicts the im-bominable snowman on his endless, fruitless quest for a cup of cocoa.

Farewell Freedom Tour 07 Concludes

I am back on good, solid British soil after my sojourn to Massachusetts. Who can say I didn't have a good time? Not me! I got to tell some excellent lies in support of a surprise party, while the freakishly clement weather meant that I never had to fall over onto an icy pavement. I was disappointed not to experience the vicious cold and snow that I'm used to, but comforted by my lack of the habitual bruises. O treacherous "side-o-walk"!

In the meantime Britain was almost wholly destroyed by storms. I mean it. On the way back from the airport, I had to drive around a small tree branch and an upturned traffic cone. This was but the tip of a stormy iceberg. I was disappointed to find that my house had not been wholly destroyed, thereby freeing me from life in Oldham (presumably into a new life as a nomad). Thus I must divert my energies to further renovation.

In service of such tasks it becomes necessary to create new Scary Go Round items. I figure if I screw up my eyes very tightly, even in my jet-lagged state I can imagine a new picture print for sale. But here is the question: A3 like the Esther print, or A2 like the Shelley? Small, or big? And does the prospect of an ultra-luxury short-run option on canvas appeal to the monied section of the readership? There are comments for a reason! Feel free to tote "opinion".

DANCE DANCE SHELLEY REVOLUTION

I did my best with the tools available to me. See her dance!

FREEDOM VOYAGE JANUARY 07

I am off to visit Dumbrella HQ in Massachusetts tomorrow, toasting Old Man Stevens' 30th birthday and hopefully tapping into his newfound wealth as the new Gary Trudeau. Let's hope that freedom still tastes as sweet as I remember! When that mighty eagle flaps its wings, I can't help feel my spirits soar. When the mighty eagle weeps, I weep too.

Great Aches

Work is now somewhat underway on SGR 5 (I may have mentioned this before). It finally has a title, and a cover (I will probably do a bit more work on this but it's good enough to show). Rather than the chapter commentaries I've done in the past, I think I'm going to draw black and white introductions to each story. Otherwise I fear it will be utterly unpenetrable to new readers.

Super Gal

I did the picture below as a wedding present for my friends Beth and Emeka. They got married, it was a good deal. I didn't just give them a PNG file, you understand. Even I am not that cheap. I had it etched into the side of a mountain.

Done rockin'

Readers, thank you for tolerating my albums of the year chart, which provides me with a vital week off at Christmas. Here's the list in full, including numbers 21-30. For most of the year it seemed like nothing good was coming my way, but by November I was pretty much overrun.

1 YS - Joanna Newsom
2 THE BEATIFIC VISIONS - Brakes
3 THE TRIALS OF VAN OCCUPANTHER - Midlake
4 THE GULAG ORKESTAR - Beirut
5 THIS IS HAZELVILLE - Captain
6 NICE AND NICELY DONE - The Spinto Band
7 BLUES AND BOOGIE SHOES - Keene Brothers
8 DEMON/FREEJAZZ EP - Envelopes
9 THE CRANE WIFE - The Decemberists
10 ESPERS 2 - Espers
11 HOWLING BELLS - Howling Bells
12 WHITE BREAD, BLACK BEER - Scritti Politti
13 A BLESSING AND A CURSE - Drive By Truckers
14 MODERN TIMES - Bob Dylan
15 THE LEMONHEADS - The Lemonheads
16 CITRUS - Asobi Seksu
17 STARRING SOMEONE LIKE YOU - The Tiny
18 LET'S GET OUT OF THE COUNTRY - Camera Obscura
19 THE BEAUTIFUL LIE - Ed Harcourt
20 OVER AND OVER - Erin Bode

21 WHAT IF IT WORKS - The Loud Family & Anton Barbeau
22 RABBIT FUR COAT - Jenny Lewis with The Watson Twins
23 EASY BEAT - Dr Dog
24 BOYS AND GIRLS IN AMERICA - The Hold Steady
25 MORPH THE CAT - Donald Fagen
26 TWELVE STOPS AND HOME - The Feeling
27 WE ARE THE PIPETTES - The Pipettes
28 SEMIFINALISTS - Semifinalists
29 SCHMOTIME - Absentee
30 OH YOU'RE SO SILENT JENS - Jens Lekman

"A child who has learned the truth about Santa"

Music journalism is frequently a right load of old rot, a miserable wrong 'un if ever there was one ('un). Who do I blame? Society.

But sometimes it can go right. I would never knowingly listen to the music of child rocker "L'il Chris", but here (from Popjustice.com) is the best, funniest interview I have read in years. I was crying by the end of it.

Traditions

I drew a new Christmas header for the website today, featuring Shelley, Manny and Ed goblin, Old Ivor as Father Christmas, Douglas Fir and his sister Elise! Here it is at a slightly larger size.

Clay-mation

I think you, as a Scary Go Round reader, will enjoy Sophie Swanson, Titular Heroine. It is a short film specially designed to delight.

24 hours of hot tinkering

I've started work on Scary Go Round book 5, since the foul weather insists I stay indoors at all costs. Preliminary stages of book-making involve deciding what I'm not going to put in the book, what needs re-drawing or re-purposing, and what I can let fly with a clear conscience.

The outcome of all this decision-making by the executive board was a day of redrawing faces that looked funny. For some reason, when I re-started drawing by hand, I was drawing huge bug eyes on everybody. That in and of itself might not have been a problem, but a lack of match fitness meant I seemingly couldn't draw a pair of eyes level with one another. It was pretty inexplicable why I drew that way, but it was a fight in front of the drawing board each day for that first month.

Another problem was the colours I was using. The vicious, bright shades that worked so well in Illustrator looked garish and inappropriate when applied to more traditional drawing routes. And to be honest, I wasn't exactly being careful slapping it on there.

Rather being than a shopping list of complaint, I found this quite a soothing task. I think I've improved a lot in the seven months since I went back to pens and ink.

OLD

NEW

Move with the moss

A reader only calling himself "Mike" (one assumes it is basketball star Mike "Air" Jordan) sent me this lovely animated Shelley gif. Congratulations Mike, it is another "slam dunk" ho ho oh my sides.

The plan for winter warmth

As you probably know, winter is here and that means the icy winds doth blow. However, as an innovator, dreamsmith and imagineer, I have come up with an excellent scheme to avoid frostbite. I am going to sit in the tumble dryer until April:



Think how nice it is when the clothes come out of the dryer! It takes a strong man not to put a nice warm tshirt or towel over their face and just live for pleasure alone. Well, what if you could enjoy that great sensation for hours at a time? As the diagram above indicates: NOW YOU CAN.

See you in spring!

Goats 2000

Today is the 2000th Goats comic at goats.com, on the internet! Jon Rosenberg gave me my big break in "web comics" when I was just a callow youth on Geocities with 47 hits a day. He even came to England in 1999 to teach me the secret "web comics" lore and I reciprocated by introducing him to a drink that is now considered socially unacceptable by many in my land! It was a cultural exchange of ideas that has continued to this day.

In many ways Jon is the grandfather of popular comics on the internet. He opened what some might describe as a MAGIC DOOR. Now he can't close it, no matter how hard he tries. Congratulations Jon Rosenberg, congratulations on this thing that you have done.

Kind of an old school machine

I made some Machine Man wallpaper to pay tribute to the 1980s Marvel robot guy. You can download it if you want to make it your desktop!

I don't make wallpapers for public consumption any more because there are so many different screen sizes, so you will be on your own when it comes to resizing it. Just be brave.

Bristles

I thought it might be nice to ink with a brush pen, for a side project. You know, for fun! Of a whole test page, here's the part I deem acceptable for public consumption. The rest was a mess. But it was quite late.

Dancing about architecture

Please may I continue to apologise for the sparse updates on my blog. In the second half of the year I have been short of spare mental energy, mostly due to concentrating very hard on drawing comics. No matter how many years I spend drawing, it seldom feels like a beautiful and natural process to me.

I had a fine dream the other day where I managed to make another one of my stand-alone books for people, unchained to the exhausting meter of daily comics. But dream it will have to remain because while I would start on page one declaring this a thing of simple beauty and a joy forever, by page six it would be punk rock mayhem, every panel a mess of cross-hatching and intemperate haiku. I may have to attend some kind of retreat in order to remember how not to fill every page up with madness.

As the end of the year looms, thoughts turn to my end of year charts. This year I must must must remember not to elect something baroque and virtually unlistenable to the top slot. The year I stated that "Blueberry Boat" by the Fiery Furnaces was the best release of the year remains a critical low point. You could easily argue that there were about 6 very very good minutes among the 77 on that particular long-player, though ascertaining which ones they were took an awful lot of effort.

Changing course

Well, I did enjoy those US mid-term elections. Nothing fills me with excitement like the sound of FREEDOM across the Atlantic. I saw the mighty eagle on the wing this morning and smelled change in the air.

To celebrate all this unbridled freedom, I had a photo-shoot to produce a new publicity photo for upcoming interviews, profile pieces etc. This was my first session with a professional photographer but I'm quietly pleased with the results (below).

Rival Schools - United By Fate

In a sense this is wretched, but I was so pleased by the generic city centre tones and barely veiled sentiment that it simply could not be stopped. Ten seconds after I drew it I was clapping like a big baby.



I remember back in '00 when emo was duking it out with crustcore to be number one*. That was a scene. These days crustcore has to hang out in the kitchen at parties with math rock and "drones".

* Number one hardcore punk offshoot enjoyed by people not wearing shirts slamming into one another.

Lancaster

Well, the Lancaster Comics Festival proved an interesting event. The dismal weather I'm sure discouraged many people from attending and things were pretty sparse at times, but it was great to meet people who haven't been able to see me on my southern and international jaunts. It was a very promising first year though, I did far better than at the "super-professional" Brighton Comics Expo last November, an event that proved about as lucrative as taking your wallet and dropping it in a septic tank. And despite the mist, rain, goblins and fear, Lancaster seemed like a lovely place.

The exhibitions department is now closed until next spring, during which time I will polish the welcome wagon and practise my firmest and most reassuring handshakes on unwilling passers by.

The only real downside of the event was that my ultra-magical mini-SGR comics "To The Victor THE SPOILS", which I spent two hours folding and three hours drawing, seemed almost impossible to give away. People just don't want somethin' for nothin' - either that or they don't know what they're missin'!

Oh do calm down Placidus

That rather mean spirited post below has been top of the blogs here for ages - to my shame. I was busy with the business of turning 30 and could not post a more positive note with which to replace it. But now I am 30 and cool heads prevail. I did not go through with my plan to put myself into residential care and see out my salad days eating apple sauce, mostly because I was told that my arms would soon atrophy and I wouldn't be able to use a zimmer frame after two months! But I did eat some apple sauce (just to see what it's like).

I hope I will see some of the people who read these posts at the Lancaster Comics Festival. I will be driving there in my car, so if I don't make it, it is pretty certain that I accidentally drove into Morecambe Bay and drowned.

The only good review is a bad review

No no no, but see, I was trying to be slow paced and inane!

Bugger Bognor

I am trying to work out what to put in some frames I bought today. Perhaps small paintings on a theme. Or pressed flowers in the shape of Len Pickering. I made the picture below but it is all wrong for my frames and my life.

I am back from Brooklyn

I am back from Brooklyn and dealing with matters that have arisen in my absence. The good news is that Sister Bernadette has not burned down the house, although it was slightly disconcerting to return to her many makeshift altars and "Jesus baskets". Still, it beats returning to a living room full of white rastas and ganja smoke.

The good news is that while I was away, I had 100 Good Ideas, and good ideas mean good things to come for you, the reader. Time off is time well spent!

BLARRRG! BUNSENMONSTER

I thought this might make a nice tshirt slash hoodie. I'm thousands of miles from my garden so I can't take it out there and shoot it right now. By clerical error it is ushered through.

I am still in Brooklyn

You may be amazed to hear that I am still in Brooklyn. Apparently, when I get home I have to build a wardrobe. I cannot face building the wardrobe so I am staying here until next week, hiding. You should really confront your fears but I don't have an electric screwdriver and if I put a screwdriver bit in my power drill, something terrible is going to happen, something kind of George Romero - I just know it.

Despite the fact that I'm on holiday, I've been very productive! Such is the atmosphere of wild, unbridled creativity at Dr Vampire's house. I have designed a terrifying tshirt, and also drawn this picture (below) for you, the reader of this blog. There have also been secret consultations about many powerful and unimaginable projects.

Nuns vs guns

The blog has been quiet of late as I spent the last week adjusting to the arrival my new room-mate, Sister Bernadette. A pious and godly woman, she fills the house with prayer and holy song at all hours of the day.

But I cannot hear her ululations because I am in BROOKLYN, NEW YORK from today, ringing the mighty bell of freedom over and over and over again. Praise be to liberty!

Joltin' Johnny A

R Stevens has begun his campaign to have he and I installed as the creative team on Iron Man, a move that would obviously cause a lot of problems since a. I have not read a new Marvel comic since about 1995 and b. his ideas are 90% completely at odds with mine (in his version, Iron Man would fight either trees or super-villains largely unfamiliar to readers under the age of 50, in between checking his email). In my version Iron Man would attempt to date Dazzler due to a mutual love of roller skates, and his enemies would be crazed international businessmen called things like "The Sultan" and "The Sheik". This is not what the suits at Marvel will want to hear.

Anyway here's the concept sketch that will both midwife and bury this sorry pursuit of a grey Iron Man dream.

The wandering ink stick

When I sit and doodle in front of the TV, this is what usually happens.

Inside the actor's studio

I worked out the other day that for every tshirt I design, there about 13 abandoned (and finished) concepts. Here is the Halloween shirt design you won't be able to buy, it is called "Ghost Uncle" and it illustrates exactly why someone who spends most of his time trying to make wordy and elaborate stories about land sharks and caravan parks shouldn't attempt a simple graphical motif without the supervision of an adult.

Neglect!

Sorry for the lack of blog posts, I can tell things are bad when the first comment appears that has nothing to do with the most recent post. The longer I leave it, the more disconnected the comments become, as if the last post on an under-tended blog is my first port of call for communication with my readers.

I'd like to say that I've been working on lots of exciting projects and painting lots of pictures, but I haven't. I have been concentrating on making the comics good after months of messing about with books and prints and the like. In late September I am taking three weeks off to recharge my fast-failing batteries, during which time you can enjoy the now out-of-print Scareodeleria book from 2004, serialised 7 days a week, in COLOUR, with new bookend comics from a long-vanished SGR character! Before that starts, we'll get to the matter of the 1000th Scary Go Round, which will be double sized and doubly alarming.

Painting for freedom

New painting up for sale on Monday, start making a pile of pound coins if you think it might be what you want! I'd put it up for sale today but invariably they end up selling three times over in the night and I have to disappoint people.

The internet: a place you'd apparently choose to read a "rant".

I spent this morning tinkering with my letterpressed card, a luxury item intended for sale in the autumn months. I thought you might like to look at the progress so far. I may fill it up with interminable curlicues or just leave it as it is.



After I drew this, I worried that it might look a bit like the 2003 tea-towel. So I dug it out, and did I ever get a surprise.



I think I've got a bit better at drawing!

The two old bachelors

ALSO WAIT WAIT UPDATE

Aido sent me a lovely picture of Amy, too nice to be hidden inside the internet!

Yogurt eating grandpa is sex king of the Balkans

Sam Logan sent me the splendid picture below of two young individuals who dressed up as Shelley and Ryan for Comic-con. This is dedication beyond the call of duty and brings a tear to my rheumy eye.

NEVER GET INVOLVED

Following the passing of Yacht Rock, I wasn't sure Channel101.com would be able to deliver that white-hot hit of good times again. But then I watched Phone Sexxers. Warning: not safe if you don't like convoluted double entendres.

Everybody's got one

Several requests in my inbox ask for Esther's eyebpatch skull shirt. Alas I can't just blow up the thing in the comic (and to think many of your favourite webcartoonists put tshirts in their comics to sell them!) so I have spent the last hour trying to make this work in a "look like you tried" way. Feel free to vote "yes" for success or "no" for the now traditional burying+shooting.

New prints new prints new prints

Fans of low numbers be aware: the new prints are now on sale. You can also do a two-in-a-tube cheap combo with the sepia "gulch" print.

Sounds on sounds

I've added a link to my LastFM profile to the links on the right so you can find out what I've been listening to and perhaps listen to those selfsame things if you are so inclined (which you may or may not be).

JAMMMMMMZZZZZ

A stew

it's still a churning urn of burning funk outside as the heat-wave continues. Unfortunately Scary Go Round has been affected. At 10.15am Scary Go Round buckled due to high temperatures and is now running 45 minutes late. We apologise for the delay.



I drew this to test my new pens. I've had to stop using Fountain Pentels, since I don't think Pentel make them anymore and when I manage to buy a box, half of them seem to be partially dried out. I remember being given a Fountain Pentel at school when I was 9, it was considered to be the newest and most exciting pen ever created. Sadly, it turned out to be the most esoteric and unreliable mass production pen of all time.

I used them because if you flip the pen over, you can choose between the thick and thin side of the nib, thereby not having to pick up a smaller pen. Unfortunately no two Pentels were ever the same, and it was a pulse pounding lottery on applying a new one to fresh pencils as to whether it was a. too pointy, b. a "spitter", spraying a fine spume behind the nib in tribute to Ralph Steadman or c. just right (in which case it would run out after 4 days or be lost within minutes).

I still have 5 left in a carton but as with all things, I will be taking them out in the back yard and shooting them. It just seems like the right thing to do.

KRAKEN DANGER

I've finished messing around with this now. The commenters have spoken and heavier paper/smaller size/signed and numbered have won out.



I can't remember the exact moment that I decided the picture needed a giant ghost kraken emerging through the mist, but I like what happened there.

OCTO-COVET

A couple of tweaks (given reflection) and I think my new print will be fit for the print shop. I hope you like it! I will probably print this one smaller (A3), but on heavier stock. I'd like to do more prints, they seem a bit more honest than tshirts.



If you would prefer I stick to the poster format of the last print, do let me know via the comments.