I am going to the Lake District this weekend, so if I am destroyed by a lake, you know what to do. Ululation, tearing of vestments, brass statue of me outside the Cobden View Arms in Crookes, Sheffield. Statue should be wearing a crown.
You may think that being destroyed by a lake is improbable and weird, but you would be Dr Wrong, ministering to the needs of the inhabitants of Mistakentown. Lakes contain fierce otters, bony cichlids and kraken. At any point I could be seized by a tentacle and drawn under, thereby ending a life dedicated to amusing people in 30 second bursts every weekday.
I'll be on my guard, but I'm warning you - be ready.