Thursday, February 22, 2007


I am going to the Lake District this weekend, so if I am destroyed by a lake, you know what to do. Ululation, tearing of vestments, brass statue of me outside the Cobden View Arms in Crookes, Sheffield. Statue should be wearing a crown.

You may think that being destroyed by a lake is improbable and weird, but you would be Dr Wrong, ministering to the needs of the inhabitants of Mistakentown. Lakes contain fierce otters, bony cichlids and kraken. At any point I could be seized by a tentacle and drawn under, thereby ending a life dedicated to amusing people in 30 second bursts every weekday.

I'll be on my guard, but I'm warning you - be ready.


Talia said...

I recently read the Swallows and Amazons series and am dripping with envy that you get to visit the Lake District. A (distant) tentacle sighting would be the icing on the cake.

Roman said...

This takes fear of travel to a whole new level. I'm the one traveling to New York City this weekend - I'm the one who very well could disappear.

fingle said...

Drink an Old Peculier for me while you're there! And beware of the sheep napping in the roads. They're like huge, fluffy "traffic calming measures".

Laura said...

Glad to hear you got back safely! I did worry all weekend!
The closest I got to being killed in the lakes was capsising my canoe there when I was 14!