Saturday, August 16, 2008

Bathroom 1

Bathroom madness has begun. I have saved up for almost a year to have my hideous bathroom remodelled and on Monday it begins. But already the fitter has come round and pressed on some walls and the walls wobbled (like an early eighties soap opera set) and said "John whoever built this house was quackers please can we have a million pounds". So cruel you say but they are not wrong, my house was bodged from top to bottom in 1989 by a maniac. To paraphrase Richard Herring, he was a "fucking idiot".

Today, when scraping away the old painted over wallpaper, I found some of his excellent plasterwork. What happens is that you tap it, and it falls off, then you fill in the hole with Polyfilla or wet toilet paper or just raw fury. I usually employ a mixture of all three. I was so cross that I got the wrong tube of goo out of the cupboard and used Polyfilla Woodflex, which will no doubt explode in the night as I used it on a wall that was not made of wood.

I will provide more bathroom updates every day of this no doubt epic tragedy. It will be like an episode of Grand Designs, meaning I will end up overbudget with four mortgages. Younger readers may well wish to take note.

4 comments:

Anik said...

Raw fury is remarkably versatile, I've used it in shelving, correcting copy and, in a pinch, cleaning grout. But it tends to go gummy when it gets damp, so that's a good idea to mix it with Polyfilla.

This bodger of yours must have moved west and taken a job as a building superintendent, I'm sure I encountered some of his oeuvre in my last flat.

Marlo Meekins said...

http://www.oakislandproductions.com/images/
products/Product_ExplodeCommode_210010.jpg

Maryjo said...

and you paid good money for the privilege of living there? i hope there will be pictures! either real or an artist dramatization, both will be equally entertaining no doubt.

Laura said...

This is why I have married a builder, always useful!