Friday, March 03, 2006

Highway to the danger-zone

I am a lot better now, thanks for your well wishes. But I could be snatched up by a pterodactyl by any minute and eaten in seconds, so don't take me for granted. Keep those candles lit and the shrines shiny.

This week I have been forced to stay in by courier companies who don't pick up packages. When a task has bad juju over it, you might as well give up all hope of ever completing it, but unfortunately I think there are people in America still waiting for 5-packs of books so I can't just take this cardboard box out into the back yard and shoot it like I normally would.

Maybe it was a mistake to finally resort to local company "parcel2go.com", whose mandate is neither to pick up your package, nor staff their customer service area with actual humans. I look forward to trying to extract a refund from the Bolton-based no-hopers.

My current plan is simply to throw the books into the sea in Liverpool and hope they wash ashore in Boston, MA. While throwing the books, I will also hurl representatives from Fed Ex and Parcel Force into the sea. Imagine this piscine tableau next time you regard a large body of water.

So, from my sick bed to a jail cell for my marine crimes. Come, mighty pterodactyl, come. Your leathery wings cannot carry you near to me fast enough.

PS SINGLE OF THE WEEK - Absentee "Something To Bang". What a gravelly treat!

8 comments:

Woody said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Woody said...

The pilgrims did the same thing, and they landed in Boston. Or nearby, look I don't know, point is: throw a pilgrim hat in there too for good luck.

The removed post had a misspelling in it. I couldnt have that on my recrod.

Roman said...

I think that's how Craig Ferguson ended up in America.

Thanks for floating your unwanted celebrities to us, Britian!

John A said...

You are lucky that you're dealing with a be-turbaned memory man because I hesitate to believe that anyone else in the UK can remember who Craig Ferguson was. He wasn't so much cast into the sea as he fell in and was carried away, but no-one noticed. Is he famous in America?

Mizufae said...

upon reading this post i realize that my ultimate fear is wholly possible: you have become completely insane.
luckily, your mad ramblings have a picturesque essence-i may have to draw you awaiting your leathery-winged destiny. we'll see, eh?

Tom Meade said...

Never before have I encountered a being whose ramblings suit themselves more to the pages of children's books.

Roman said...

Craig Ferguson has his own late night chat program in America. Late night television - pathway to superstardom!

Roman said...

Wow, I misspelled Britain days ago and never noticed it.