Thursday, April 27, 2006

I have bought a new refridgerator

It has only taken six years but I have bought a new fridge-freezer to replace the one that came with my house. This oil-burning pig is full of ice, rattles, and may be toxic not just to the environment but also to ghosts and outer space aliens. It lives in a cupboard.

But since I did the dirty deed and ordered a new one, I've noticed a palpable chill in the kitchen. Somehow (perhaps by collusion with the equally-damned oven) it has found out, and it is giving me the evils from its cupboard. This fridge has had a long time to develop its hatred of man - by my reckoning it was purchased in the late 80s.

As you can see from the pictorial evidence, at some point it has been a victim of fire (a fridge's most hated enemy) and it is in the grip of a pretty fierce rust. I've been waiting for it to die of natural causes, but natural causes never came. Please do not judge me as I turn to euthanasia. Just pray that I am not found by the delivery men next tuesday, flattened under its recriminatory carcass.

14 comments:

ro said...

Why buy such a fridge? It sounds like cold danger.

(unrelated: this current story is one of the best you've ever done, in my opinion naturally)

John A said...

The fridge depicted came with the house.

IT CEM... WITH THE FREM

DeJinn said...

That thing looks like it would leave it's spectral mark wherever it was.

...you'll never really be able to ger rid of it. I've been there. It's not pretty...

Roman said...

The people I bought my house from were kind enough to purchase a new refrigerator before they sold the house to me. They were not, however, kind enough to replace the creaky old hot water tank, which led to some bit of fun winter before last.

fontgoddess said...

We all know, even since before Ghostbusters, that refrigerators are both sentient and portals to other realms. I'm less concerned about the fridge killing you than I am about it transporting both you and your condiments to a demon dimension.

Butros Butros said...

Am I the only one to notice the Burbs reference? Almost as sharp as the ben folds five reference!!!

M said...

A full set of Simpson's fridge magnets! I only have the first three -- must you be superior to me in every way?

Agnes said...

Even though I have the willpower to resist sponsering one of those doggies that seem to fart hearts out behind them in the adverts, the plight of your fridgeriedaire has spoken out to me! Maybe it's because I have no fridge of my own, maybe because vintage is so in right now or maybe because I reckon that fridge is older than me and could teach me a thing or too about LIFE and perhaps fire safety but je voudrais it un lot!

Anyway, when you get your new fridge you have to make the box into a house. I am giddy with excitement at how massive this box might be! I bet I could fit inside! New box glee has almost made me forget old fridge woes!

Shimmy73 said...

I'd be careful.... car manufacturers make white goods too, haven't you seen 'Christine'???

Lucy said...

As long as you dispose of the old one by leaving it in a shady-looking junkyard where small, curious schoolchildren can climb into it, pulling the door shut behind them, it'll probably be appeased.

John A said...

I paid to have it disposed of correctly! This means that the Comet men fly-tip it somewhere on the Oldham-Rochdale loop line.

Alas Agnes, (in the modern way) it will arrive wrapped in plastic like Laura Palmer, not in an all-fun, all-the-time box.

Roxanne said...

We used to have that fridge about ten years ago! It caught fire and burned the house down!

Also, my word verification was oovennsfw. Oven pron? Indeed!

Ray said...

You payed to have it disposed of? I'm pretty sure all local councils are now obliged (by the LAW) to collect old fridge, if you ask them too. That's what happened with my old fridge.

It's something to do with toxic coolants, I think.

Is that a "j" or an "i" in the word verification? I'm going with "j" and crossing my fingers.

John A said...

You still have to pay the council to come get it, or our council anyway.