My holiday is over

Due to the complicated, byzantine nature of the webcomic game, while you continue to enjoy some beautiful guest comics by my friends in art, my little break is over. That it should end on a bank holiday is particularly cruel, but since I scheduled it myself, I don't think I can take local government to task.

Mystical Dream Theatre

It occurs to me upon writing the title of this post that "Mystical" sounds the same as "Miss Tickle" (bear with me here). Living with Miss Tickle would be a daily agony. You wouldn't be able to enjoy a hot drink or a cream horn for fear that she would home in on you and cause you to spill it in your involuntary mirth.

Who says intelligent discourse is dead?

I just watched the season finale of Lost, which had me with my head in my hands, wailing "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO" in the time-honoured style. But a greater mystery this week was posed by a packet of Asda Spinach and Ricotta Fresh Pasta Ravioli I purchased. The package features a "serving suggestion", however the "serving suggestion" does not depict the product, but rather a bowl of ricotta cheese and some spinach leaves. So the implication is that one should reconstitute the ingredients within from the items provided.

That's just silly. You shouldn't do that.

Dicing with death

Yesterday while washing up I accidentally chipped a mug, then proceeded to lacerate myself between my ring finger and little finger with it. Well, I must say, I haven't seen that much blood for a while. It was a bit like "Re-Animator". I wounded my drawing hand, so I suppose it was lucky that I didn't slice myself up nearer the business end. I don't think I will be doing anything very rugged for a week or two!

All Tomorrow's Parties was a magical fun-fest of colossal proportions. I have compiled the following list of micro-reviews for your edification.

FRIDAY
YO LA TENGO - why am I standing in a food court 6/10
NOTWIST - refugees from the low countries, possibly IT consultants 7/10
SPARKLEHORSE - nothing a nice gargle wouldn't fix 5/10
TALL FIRS - plainly not on a mission to excite 5/10
DEATH VESSEL - floundering minus his old timey banjo revue. "Is it a boy or a girl" cry harks back to the 1960s 4/10
AKRON/FAMILY - community project of percussion fails to connect 5/10

SATURDAY
GO! TEAM - any fule no I like the Go! Team 9/10
LES SAVY FAV - 200 costume changes! 8/10
WILCO - why am I standing in a food court part 2 6/10
APPLES IN STEREO - some of these men are wizards 9/10

SUNDAY
SLINT - alas I am making some macaroni at this point ?/10
MICAH P. HINSON - nothing a nice gargle wouldn't fix 7/10
BAT FOR LASHES - were playing crazy golf directly in front of me this morning 7.5/10
ARCHITECTURE IN HELSINKI - it's 5! 7/10
BAND OF HORSES - best band of the weekend 9.5/10
MODEST MOUSE - v.good but Johnny Marr is not going to be in the band for very long because he obviously wants to be in charge 8/10
CAPRICORNS - I had to play darts on my mobile phone to take my mind off this mess 1/10
GRIZZLY BEAR - hippies 6.5/10
DO MAKE SAY THINK - I have never been more tired zzz/10

So well done everybody, well played etc!

Old John Robertson he wore a Stetson hat

I have returned from All Tomorrow's Parties in Minehead a broken man. My fragile constitution has been ravaged by a mixture of best bitter, crazy golf, water slides and experimental noise-scapes. I will write a bit about what I saw and what was good later in the week, once I have grown some new brain cells.

If you listen to Gideon Coe on BBC 6Music, you can hear me all week introducing my favourite records from the last 5 decades just after 12pm. I wasn't able to hear it today as I was not near a radio set, but apparently I was taken to task for my use of the term "juju".

Crisis

Oh my goodness, Prime Minister Tony Blair has resigned! This is so unexpected and the nation is on its knees! Fortunately a task force has been assembled to run the country during this transitional phase:

Rabbi Lionel Blue


Former England wicketkeeper Jack Russell


and Bagpuss (pictured discussing transport policy with Professor Yaffle, who is consulting in an advisory role)


I would write more but unfortunately there's now a curfew, and rationing.

Ward em off

After the brief congregation of evil spirits over the blog early in the week, I'm burning sage and getting the good feelings back. Here's a drawing I did today for one reason or another (secret).

Oh god what a faux pas

Apparently my Rice vs Pasta has terrible racist overtones. When I drew it, it was just a piece of rice and a piece of pasta. Little did I know I was releasing the secret bigot within. After all, Italians vs Chinese is one of the foremost struggles in Britain and the world today. Every day on the streets I see these two diverse racial groups (and apparently, sworn enemies) engaged in toe-to-toe combat on our "mean streets".

OR

It is about dinner decisions.

Readers, I throw myself on your mercies. You decide!

Shirt lab is now closed

Here's what I came up with, I'll put these on sale later this week. Maybe no one will want them, but I like to think design-wise they have a certain something.



My thinking on this one was that rice and pasta are basically enemies, rice has strength in numbers, but that lone grain of rice on the pantry shelf is easy meat.



Certain aesthetic choices were made here that I hope please and do not offend.

Where are my BISCUITS?

The tshirt lab has been open this afternoon... just wait until you see RICE vs PASTA!

During the course of manouevers, I drew this. It's like the cover of a '70s feminist zine, full of hooked fury!

Finished manga terror

I like Manga Studio! This is the first time i have managed to draw anything coherent with my tablet, ever!

Memory Layne

I found this page on my site today. That was quite a maverick design! And who can forget the Sons Of Mongor... I wonder where they are now and what they're doing with their lives. I've thought about doing some more creatures, but nothing I've come up with has been quite good enough. There is a big white earwig prototype that was so utterly terrifying that I had to lock it in a room and throw away the key. It really is creepy.

The good news is that I'm putting the remaining limited prints from the London show on sale today. The page is up, the fix is in!

The final news today is that I have bought Manga Studio, a computer program for people whose lives lack speed lines. I can't really draw very well (living as I do in WOBBLE TOWN UK) with my graphics tablet but I was trying to work out how to use it last night and drew the following mysterious image.



Please, don't ask me.

That little chlorine bath (for feet)

I realised today that it is almost 12 years since I last went swimming. I only stopped going swimming because my friend Martin Owen borrowed my goggles and lost them in Sheffield University sports centre pool. I decided not to go swimming again until he bought me a new pair. That was 1995, and you could fill a municipal lido with the tears I've shed since.

Of course, this stopped being a point of principle in about 1998, and indeed my college-era beer-storage frontispiece probably had a lot more to do with my lack of enthusiasm for the aquatic way (though it may have aided buoyancy!) In fairness, Mr Owen has had little opportunity to make amends from his no-doubt highly-paid position in the chemical engineering game, as we have not spoken since 2000.

So perhaps I should break this hoodoo, this Indian sign, and go back into the water. I don't know what will happen. What are people wearing to the pool? Should I go for a full body wax then rock a Speedo? That sounds awful!

The one thing that comforts me is that should I ever collect on my goggle debt, ocular interest will probably entitle me to a snorkel, mask and rubber duck.

Simple pleasures

I always liked "Great Big No" by the Lemonheads, off "Come On Feel the Lemonheads". But today for the first time, I enhanced the pleasure of singing along by singing "GREAT BIG NOSE".

Great big nose!

Still trying

It's now 3 years, two months since I released my black and white Scareodeleria book - the book that was meant to be number one in a quarterly series! Excuse me while I execute a hollow laugh.

I live in hope that I'll manage another standalone project, because although I am pleased with my efforts on daily Scary Go Round, I find the book collections very dense reading. It's nice just to be able to tell a yarn without worrying about getting the quips and snipes in just the right place and ending whatever you were trying to say in the bottom right hand corner of your piece of A4 paper.

This morning I spent £50 and gave myself a headache trying to make one page of a prospective follow up. I don't know about you, but £50 and a headache won't do. At that rate, by page 22 I'd have spent £1100 and be suffering from some kind of aneurysm (probably several).

I should explain that in producing this project, I am attempting to become "the new king of manga". You and I both know that I am not going to become the new king of manga any time soon. Even with the aid of the ministrations of my spiritual guide Mr Godiba (see here), I'm not going to be the new Junko Mizuno.

BUT I WILL DIE IF NECESSARY IN THE ATTEMPT! DO NOT TRY TO STOP ME BECAUSE YOU WILL FAIL! ALL WILL FAIL!



That was less intense than I hoped it would be.

Fancy womerns

I was delighted and excited to learn about today the existence of "Unknown Hinson", depicted below. I have never heard his music, and I think to hear it would only disappoint. Just to know that this man is out there is enough for me.

Tiny little face that may be alive

Mike, who made the little pixel Shelley, also made the Esther below. A fancy thing!

He's a blade, he's a renegade

What happened to my blog? i seem to have abandoned it over the last couple of weeks. I don't suppose anyone really wants to read about how I am eating some Easter eggs very slowly, or how I planted a rhododendron today. These things aren't the fiery facts that force recumbent internetters off their asses and out of the front door full of jellybeans.

I don't think I have any projects to tell you about. I haven't forced another rusting appliance into my back yard.

I did want to say a brief word about t-shirt artist/painter Todd Goldman and his Dave Kelly art-stealing saga. It was a blatant and ugly steal, but the red-faced, hysterical table thumping from the webcomics community, a community that frequently feeds upon licensed properties (when not feeding upon itself), was a bared backside begging to be struck with a banjo.

No one is innocent. Todd Goldman was undoubtedly handed that picture by a studio assistant. When a web cartoonist who has made a tshirt with a Star Wars related design gets a cease and desist letter, it's a badge of honour. When the shoe's suddenly on the other foot, there's a collective move up onto the table with skirts raised - and let the screaming commence.

Go crosseyed talking about "fair use" if you wish, but you'll waste a lot of breath. It's the same thing.

Somersault Notes!

I did a bit more on my poster last night, I worked too long into the evening on it and feel a bit mentally feeble today but oh well.

Eurocamping

I'm working on a new and large poster to ruin your walls. It's early days but here's what I managed this morning - much still to do!

Slug update 2007

Having repelled the slugs from my kitchen, it seemed time in 2007 to turn my attention the devastation they habitually cause in my garden. Who can forget the grisly sunflower massacre of 2001? Not me! So under these auspices I bought some slug pellets to prevent my friends, the slugs, eating anything with tasty leaves and pretty flowers.

Now, these slug pellets claim to be safe for the environment (so long as you don't include the aggravation their intense blue-ness causes to the eye). The packaging claims that "there is no need to clear up slug carcasses, as they will crawl away to a secluded spot to die". This is one of the most impressive boasts I have ever heard. It is also a lie.

My paving stones are now peppered with what I can only describe as baked-on moustaches made of beef jerky. Perhaps I do not provide the necessary "secluded spot". If you have any suggestions on the construction of the mooted "slug chill-out slash death zone", do let me know.