I dug out an old jeans jacket from the cupboard (for a fancy dress party) on Friday and in the pockets I found:
* 1 unopened pack of gum, expiry date 2004
* 1 unopened pack of "Listerine Breath Strips" which i can only imagine must have been free, expiry date 2004
* 87 pence, still legal tender
Now those breath strips were basically poison fresh from the packet so I don't intend investigating them further, but what of the unopened pack of Mr Wrigley's "Mountain Icy Wind" gum? What would happen if you chew a piece of gum that was officially dead in the water three years earlier? Will it crumble to dust in my mouth and choke me? Will it release toxins that render me a dessicated corpse in minutes? Is it full of 1000 tiny spiders?
It's up to you to decide: EAT or DON'T EAT! Following the result, there will be a special blog post with realtime chewing.
ABOVE: the kind of elaborate and exciting hallucinations I predict will result from this dangerous stunt.