Monday, October 08, 2007

The Big Chew 2007

There was a 100% positive vote for me to eat the three-years expired gum so here goes. I will write as I go. I have decided to eat two pieces at once as it is the "pellet" style rather than sticks of gum.

SMELL: it smells pleasantly minty with a "mountain frost" edge.

CONSISTENCY: slightly tackier than new gum, not smooth and shiny, probably due to the fusty air in my cupboard.

TASTE: now i don't think they made this mountain frost flavour for very long because it is suspiciously chemical. I am nervous about swallowing the resultant mouthful of saliva but I will force it down!

TASTE UPDATE: within a minute almost all flavour has completely vanished! The half life of flavour must be very short! I am chewing a mouthful of tasteless petrochemicals.

THE VERDICT: I feel a bit funny. I have gone blind in one eye and there is a ringing in my ear. Please someone call an ambul

8 comments:

Ryan said...

Noooo John!

I find it interesting how what I presume was the paramedics took the time to post your blog update before taking you away. God bless the NHS.

Roman said...

You're putting us on.

You actually ate the Listerine breath strips, didn't you?

mordicai said...

Or is it Big Chew 2004???

Stephen said...

One good thing, however, is if they have to perform CPR on you, your breath will be exceedingly fresh and minty.

I'm going to see if I've left any food in any old clothing. Hopefully some Rainbow Drops or something else neon coloured.

Anik said...

The blindness and ringing probably isn't related to the gum. It's probably just your 30s kicking in. The similarity to anaphylaxis makes it hard to tell sometimes.

The next symptom is insisting on holding up the line in shops while you search your pockets for exact change.

tobiwan said...

Does this count us telling us what you had for dinner?

John A said...

I am out of hospital, apparently the jaundice is temporary - although the tremors may not be.

Tobiwan, don't be facetious. If you eat chewing gum it wraps around your heart and kills you.

Joel said...

Now eat the pennies.