Today I went to Middleton tip. It was amazing. I haven't been to a municipal waste dump since the mid eighties and I now consider every day since wasted. Where else can you hurl waste wood over a 25ft precipice with the approval of a man in a hard hat? Nowhere, I say, but the finest Soho sex dungeons. I also put some old cardboard boxes in the back of a van but that was a mere sideshow to the lumber-chucking thrills.
This was the perfect antidote to shoving dozens of books into envelopes; I may be cured.
"Yes well done John you done it up right old boy"
I have put the new tshirts on sale, put them on your upper body and just look generally smarter and better than your rivals and enemies.