On Wednesday the last dangerous appliance that I bought with my house is being rooted out and cast into a dustbin. Following the deaths of Exploding Oven, Rusty Fridge and Carbon Monoxide Production Specialist Fireplace, later this week I bid farewell to Gas Hob That Doesn't Spark On The Left Hand Side And Sometimes Leaks A Bit Of Gas - or as I call him, Steven.
The passing of the last of the "enemies within" will be marked by a five-gun salute outside Chadderton Town Hall. Anyone who wants to come down and twist a sticky dial, or wave a match around a suspicious-smelling burner one last time, is more than welcome.
I also intend to make flapjacks from the 17 years of crumbs firmly wedged between the lip of the hob and the work surface. These are strictly for display and not to be eaten.