Thursday, November 15, 2007

Mini-Lohan Christmas Spectrackular

Yesterday it was brought to my attention that Lindsey Lohan's little sister has made a Christmas album (featuring Lindsey and their doting mother!). I was excited, because I sensed that here we had a new release that would touch skyscraping holiday releases like Phil Spector's "A Christmas Gift For You" and Vince Guaraldi's Charlie Brown Christmas LP. But then I saw that it contained a song called "I Like Christmas".

I've never seen a more uninspiring song title than "I Like Christmas". You've gone to the recording studio to celebrate, in song, the birth of the one true messiah, with your "troubled" sister in tow, and the best you can come up with is "I Like Christmas".

I kind of picture it as a banjo-plucking number

I like Christmas
I like Elvis
I like gettin' high with elves
And I like pie

(THEATRICAL WINK TO CAMERA)

I like Jesus
I like George Strait
I like drivin' while I'm flyin'
A yi-yi-yi

Ding digga-ling-ding digga ling ding ding

AMEN

12 comments:

Magpie Ella said...

wait... are the Lohans having delusions of McGarrigle-ness?

Magpie Ella said...

or should that be McGarrigle-dure or McGarrigle-itude?

Roman said...

A "Lohan Holiday" is undoubtedly one full of solitary liquor-swilling and cigarette smoking, preceded by screaming and intense regret.

jeffrey rowland said...

No, that's a "Rowland Holiday."

My Christmas rap album has these song track list:

Christmas Power
O Animals
Shriek No More Beast
Believe In Christmas
Touch Me Jesus
O Hum O Ye Ho (The Awakening)
A Sudden Shout
Hidden Beast
Cross the Line
Arise
Christmas Bus
O Hum O Ye Ho (Acapalla)
Touch Me Jesus (DJ Yule 12" Wiggle Mixx)
Hidden Track

Stephen said...

She should do an Hawaiian themed album, and call it "A-Lohan".

I have sent her an e-mail and a price for buying this idea from me.

Patches said...

Fire-crotch and the Christmas Crackers.

Tallahassee said...

I just looked up the lyrics. My eyes, how they burn. Stop me before I download the song on the office computer.

Sparkles F said...

I can't even put into words how horrible this is. I am trying and my brain is spitting out about 5 different things at once.
They are trying to spread their crazy through Holiday music!

Gordon L said...

Obviously "I Think Christmas Is OK As Far As Grossly Over-Commercialised Religious Festivals Go" didn't quite capture her depth of feeling.

Or maybe it just didn't scan.

fingle said...

Not to change the subjest, but we saw a "Books Rule!" T-shirt at the Farmer's Market in LA last weekend. It made me laugh!

Tom Meade said...

Jeffrey Rowland's Christmas album better feature countless puns based around "wrapping".

In the great Nanny tradition.

Brian said...

Here in San Antonio (the home of George Strait), it gladdens us to know that his Straitness has permeated unto Manchester.