Wednesday, August 29, 2012

I'm having to compile my THAT story into a book rather more quickly than I thought I would due to some deadline issues. Usually I have a period of months to think about any extra pages for a book - I can look back and spot the gaps I need to plug - but I have mere weeks to get this to the printer. It's nice to give book buyers a little extra, so did I leave any glaring holes in the plot that I need to fill? Please be gentle, I take criticism like a plank to the shank. You can read from the start here.

Here's the cover, hope you like it!


13 comments:

tom said...

really liked this one. and this is not a gap, but it bothered me a little--i've never met an american who would say "you're putting X off her cobbler." (used early on.) maybe i'm wrong, but i think that's a UK idiom.

John A said...

Thanks Tom! I'm not looking to fix Americanisms. half of the ones people told me about, I fixed on the day, the other half, I decided life was too flipping short to worry about. For all we know, every character was an English ex-pat. Also I can't get three or four new pages out of cobbler quibbles!

Martin said...

Maybe more denouement? What happened to Shelley's car?

JessX said...

I wondered why Saul wanted to scare the old mayor, it's be nice if there was a little insight into that. I didn't get the feeling it was just so he could be mayor.

As for not thinking that an American would say that someone is being put off something, maybe not your day to day American, but an older American wearing a bowtie? Yes.

Colin Rankine said...

An American would totally say "you're putting Mary off her cobbler."

Anefi said...

I'd like to hear more about Julius and his made to measure fibreglass lemon suit! Is he the mascot for the festival every year, is it a great honor? If that's him at the hotel counter, it seems like he might try to talk Shelley into going, too. Thank you for these great stories! :)

christopherjk said...

How about some Tibkins material - sketches, designs, where Shelley's inspiration for him came from?

Brigid Keely said...

My husband worked himself into knots trying to figure out if Shelley's car was being towed correctly or not. He works for a towing company and was all "what attention to detail! The truck has all its parts! wait, why's he doing X? Ahh, I see, because of Y. No, but I think he's doing Z! It all makes sense now! OH NO IT IS ALL WRONG AND TERRIBLE! Ah, but no! He's doing A! I seeeeeee." If I remember correctly he ultimately decided you'd gotten it right.

I'd like to know WHY the moths were created. That kind of came out of nowhere? Or maybe if it just had a bit more lead up? Also, is Shelley's car fixable? Does she drive off into the sunset? Does Julius' bravery win him the girl? Do they go on to have babies who they dress up as lemons for Halloween?

Shiggy said...

I'm actually glad to hear you're not going to bother "fixing" the Americanisms! I found your dialogue perfect to read as it was, and I honestly didn't feel as though it was as un-American as some people claimed it to be anyway. (I can't say I even noticed until others pointed them out.) Beside that, you just have a certain way with words that doesn't need to be hindered by attempting to pinpoint a regional dialect, hm?

As for what might be added, like some people have already said, I'd offer that just a bit more on the conclusion would be good, if you really want to toss in a few extra pages before the deadline. A bit more parting dialogue between Shelley and Tom, perhaps, or a bit more of a look at the brave but scarred survivors. Really, I think that whatever you feel you could expand upon with your limited time would be worth it.

Anyway, I'm looking forward to this! Funds are tight, but throughout the run of THAT I've been feeling particularly compelled to show my monetary support for your excellent work, Mr. Allison. I'll do what I can to pick up a copy. I hope THAT sells strongly for you!

miss nash said...

I do like it! It looks awsome! :D

Yttrovorsk said...

The only bit I didn't really get was Saul's motivation. Whether he was setting up the moths to scare the mayor and seize power following his nervous breakdown or whether he just wanted to prank him.

I mean, I'm assuming he wanted to be mayor, as nobody in the SGR universe ever becomes mayor without a complicated plan to usurp their predecessor, but I guess everything doesn't need to be spelled out for the story to work.

I still enjoyed it overall, even though I guessed the nature of the baddies after only the title page, but a knowledge of bad 50s films was required.

Annie Lepage said...

Not so much a plot gap as a question I had: Tom finds what is clearly a moth leg in the axle of the car.... and does nothing? Is not perturbed? Goes to the lemon festival not wondering where the flip a giant insect leg came from? I like to imagine that his work mate talked him into thinking it was some exotic kind of tree branch.

Ps: Can't wait for the book, and the Bad Machinery collection. Keep up the fantastic work, please and thank you!

icastlecaptured said...

hmm, I'd say one thing that bothered me a little was that after all the buildup about needing to get Carly to the hospital and having that be the incentive to the end expedition, that's not actually paid off and the story doesn't take a moment aside to deal with that. So yeah, I'd agree it needs a little bit more at the end, but otherwise excellent!