For reasons beyond my control, yesterday I sought out the cheapest watch in town. It had to be a Casio. Of course I bought it in Argos, and I was pleased with my £7.99 efforts. That is until I put on my Casio F91W. Suddenly I was overcome by a sense of shame and ennui so powerful that I hooked my sweater over my wrist so that people could not see this craven timepiece. My old watch was nice. This one... seemed nasty. Reassurances to the contrary warmed my heart but did not soothe my mind.
That evening, my brother called and read generously to me from Wikipedia about the cheapest watch in Casio's arsenal. Why not visit the Wikipedia page for the F91W and scroll past the technical details to the long section marked claimed use in terrorism.
That's right. I, the Freedom Eagle, have bought and now wear the watch that hates America.