Sunday, March 30, 2008

Hence, "politesse"

I redesigned my website yesterday using CSS. See, I got a letter from the government the other day, opened it, read it, it said that I hadn't learned a new web technique since 2001. I was going to write back and say that CSS always winds up being a right pig's ear in one browser or another but I tried it anyway and it seems to work. In the two browsers I tested it in. Which did not include "Intanet Explorer".

Whenever I redesign my site, one person will write and say "why did you change it mang, I liked it better before". Of course you liked it, sir, you were extremely used to it. I on the other hand have to look at that site several times a day and had gone past your simple appreciation of it. I was sick of it. That is why the colour scheme is now alien, the fonts outlandish, and the layout obscenely futuristic. I never wanted to see any feature of that site ever again in my lifetime. As a result, neither will you.

Though actually, I didn't change the layout. I like the way it is, honest, simple and true. Why not try the site in a Netscape Navigator 2 emulator for a time-warping trip into history?

Wednesday, March 19, 2008

Opinions I formed after judgement had gone to bed #1

"Stephanie Flanders is too hot for Newsnight."

But now Stephanie Flanders is chief economics correspondent for the BBC! She's going to RUIN the BBC with her FANCY WAYS.

Stephanie Flanders: the tip of what I fear is an enormous personal iceberg, where already clearly visible over the meniscus is Jenny Scott from the Daily Politics.

This post is brought to you courtesy of the "economists your dad would have had a crush on" desk.

"John that is quite enough of that."

Monday, March 17, 2008

Restricted dance moves

The blog is going to be quiet for the next week or so but will resume in earnest thereafter. In the meantime I have the UK Webcomix Thing in London to deal with and the upcoming visit of Dr McNinja and Mama Monardo with their strange foreign ways that will turn my town upside down.

I hope a few of the loyal blog readers will be able to come and see me in London on Saturday, when I will be bearing all before me like a Dickensian waif just evicted from the poorhouse. I posted this list on the front page of the site already but here is what I will have with me (in descending price order):

* Giraffe canvas prints (ltd run of 20, 10 available, 30 x 60cm)
* All 32 pages of my Ghosts book original artwork for sale
* All the Scary Go Round collections - including the out of print Blame the Sky and Looks Brains & Everything.
* Some fancy velcro topped Shelley bags - for a lady!
* My roughs for whole weeks of comics sold in fives
* Ghosts and Girlspy (I found five in the cupboard!) books
* Buttons and stickers
* Postcards
* Leftover San Diego minicomics that were making a mess of the place

Anyway I have worn out my brain preparing for this so be kind when you see my small, wan face looking up at you.

Thursday, March 13, 2008

Grey skies

When I looked in the mirror this morning, I noticed that my hair is going pretty grey! Soon I will be unable to move among the young because they will find me out and tar and feather me. I would move to a lighthouse right now if I only had the money (in order to see out my old age in dignity and seclusion) but property prices prevent such drastic measures. So I suppose I had better go to the chemist and get one of those products I have seen advertised all my life. You know what I am talking about. No not suicide pills!

Now sure, Just For Men is the market leader. You kind of slop it on your head and suddenly a lady touches your dyed, lying hair because you are Young Again. But what about the classic alternative - Grecian 2000!

Grecian 2000 comes in a tube so I guess if I felt self-conscious and old in the street I could keep it in my pocket and whip it out for a topical application.

Of course the other option is to go peroxide blond. It's fashionable, hip and so hot right now. See below:

This is a difficult time for me, so I hope you can help me decide how to grow old gracefully. And don't laugh at me! This will be you one day, decrepit and feeble!

PS I find wigs and hats itchy so they are out.

Sunday, March 09, 2008

Postcard frenzy

My 400 postcard project is one quarter finished! Here's a photo of progress so far...

Monday, March 03, 2008

Kinder Surprise Witch

Yesterday I bought a Kinder Surprise egg and from it came a witch on wheels with an articulated jaw that cackles as you push her along. I cannot imagine that a more fitting item could have sprung forth from such an egg and the five minutes I spent grappling with the plastic tub within just added to the pleasure of receiving the witch. Today for my postcard project (current total 55/400) I am going to draw ten witches.

On another matter altogether, I like to read Pitchfork every day because it's a very good place to find new music. But some of their reviews are an extraordinary exercise in saying absolutely nothing at all. Someone clearly typed about 400 words here but at the end I challenge anyone to be any the wiser as to what it is like.

My favourite phrases:
"dialed-up vocal presence"
"this practically demands a footnoted lyric sheet"
"you suspect he's play-acting as much as he is singing"
"...turns that churning spoken-word passage into the skeleton for a celebratory sliver of symphonic electro"

A score is given (8.4) but as anyone who ever bought a Deerhunter or Beach House record can attest, Pitchfork's scores are assigned using the same numerology pioneered by and may not be based on merit. On a good day I can read the synopses on the front page and guess the score to within .3 for each one.

Mind you, last week someone described my comics as creating a sense of aphasia, in that they recognised the words used but no longer understood what they meant. No one is innocent!